I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
