I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
