It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
