you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
