so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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