using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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