Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
