how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
