He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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