ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
someone threw a dead crab at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
