ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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