Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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