So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
