Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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