test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
