looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
