there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
