Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
