I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
