May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
