ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i came on her dog
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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