i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize