i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
