I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
