I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
