I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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