I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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