So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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