Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
