Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
