he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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