Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
