I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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