It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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