you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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