Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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