So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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