did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
