did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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