I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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