can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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