Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
