she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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