Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
