You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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