Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
