I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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