Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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