Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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