I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
