I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
