Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
