in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
