her vagine was all disorganized.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
