Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
