Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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