its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize