meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
