I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize