I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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