I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
