I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
