toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
