I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
