i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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