You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
