My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
