i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
